Paradox and liberation

April 17, 2013  •  Leave a Comment

Inked "f/22" on my left arm, "f/1.2" on my right arm on last Saturday.

These two f-stops represent who I am as a paradoxical person, who has two opposite sides of many things.

My mind works like f/22. I view the world like looking through a pin-hole sized aperture of f/22, trying to capture every single detail. I often think and try to focus in on what's in front of me, immediate future and long-term future, all at the same time. I am a private person, prefer anonymity, cautious and like to stay to myself. I process and analyze my life like it is nobody's business. But being in this mode too long can cause me to start to break down and become ineffective, just like diffraction starts to happen when you go above f/22.

My heart works like f/1.2. I am wide open and transparent about who and how I am. I am pretty much what you see is what you get, and in this mode I willingly let lots of Light in as a child of God. I am carefree, bold, creative, a dreamer, straight talker, go-getter and can even be spontaneous. I welcome people into my life and love on them. I go after what I am really passionate about and get so focused in on a particular thing that the time becomes irrelevant for hours.

Sometimes I wish I was more balanced like f/8, sharpest and versatile, not so extreme like f/22 and/or f/1.2. But I think "always balanced" is overrated and boring. After all, what artist lives "always predictable, planned and unadventurous life"? I am both f/22 AND f/1.2, quirky and peculiar in my ways, and I am embracing my own uniqueness and how I am wired. 

This acceptance came at the age of 45, but it's never too late to love who you are and live your life to the fullest. Letting myself be me, is quite liberating.


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